Fantasy football picks week 9.
This week I am starting Tim Tebow (Denver Broncos) over Phillip Rivers (San Deigo Chargers) because I truly believe Tebow’s prayers are stronger thank Rivers’ frontline against the Oakland Raiders’ Defensive line. Plus how can you bet against someone who ends the huddle with Hallejulah?
My running backs are Chris Johnson (Titans). Come on already dude!!! I drafted you with my second pick. You are turning out to be the Sam Bowie of my fantasy football league. You have more dreadlocks on your head than yards this season. You need to step your game mannnn…
Frank Gore (San Fransico 49ers) is going up against my team, the NY Football Giants. The Giants run defense has more holes to use than a house full of hookers. All I need from dude is about 14 points and I will be okay for his efforts. Don’t get me wrong, I want the Giants to win, but I need these points son, dun, pun (Sorry writing this in my Queens voice).
My flex position is Reggie Bush (Miami Dolphins). This dude has been balling ever since he heard Kim and Kris were having issues. They announced their divorce and he had his best game of the season. Who said phat asses are overrated? I say the Dolphins should put a Kim Kardashian poster in the end zone and watch this dude run like hell to get in there. History has shown that the Kardashian nah-nah helps win Championships. Reggie with the Saints and Lamar Odom with the Lakers, so yes I am starting Reggie “Beating up Kim’s” Bush this Sunday.
My 1st wide receiver (PAUSE!!!) is Mario Manningham. When the announcers say Manning to Manningham it just sounds like a touchdown about 80% of the time. Plus it sounds dope!! The Giants are playing a 49ers secondary that can’t cover all three of the Giants top receivers, so somebody will have a good game. This leads me to my next receiver.
Victor Cruz is the 2nd receiver I have playing on Sunday. I don’t know if you have noticed but he runs his routes (running numbers) and makes his CUTS (haircuts from the Dominicans), better than any Puerto Rican or Dominican I grew up with. Anytime he is doing the Salsa in the endzone, that means 6 points for my fantasy team. Let’s GO ADOBO!!
Playing Tight End this week for me (oh wait a minute, PAUSE) is Owen Daniels (Houston Texans). He’s a big dude who can catch the ball downfield. He kind of looks like football is what he does to pay the bills, but he would rather star in the hit series Ice Truckers. A big Larry Kubiak looking dude from Parker Lewis. Or Biff from Back To the Future.. Or.. ahh you get the point and he’s good for 8 points this weekend against the Tampa Bay Bucs.
I have the Baltimore Ravens defense for this week. Last week Ray Lewis and the boys got killed in fantasy points by the Pittsburgh Steelers, which is weird because I’m use to Ray Lewis killing in real life (Atlanta, GA.. google it if you must). I need Ray Ray and the Thuggs, I mean Suggs to keep Seattle in check this week. The game is in Seattle and we all know how depressing Seattle is so I smell a shut out and everyone hits up Starbucks after the game.
My Kicker is well a KICKER!! He hasn’t let me down just yet, but to tell you the truth, what else does he have to do but the damn ball (laces out!!). I’m surprised Mexicans haven’t figured it out yet. If you want an automatic pass to the U.S., forget soccer and learn how to kick a football. NFL teams will import your ass if you show them a youtube video of you kicking a bag of beans across the border. How do you think the Aussies started popping up as punters? Ask the Dominicans in DR about the MLB. They are not going to school, they are going to the park!!
Wish me luck. This is my first time playing fantasy football and I truly suck at making the right picks.
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